I don’t know how to process death.

I don’t know how to process death.

It hits me the same way someone hits mute on a remote.

There is stillness, but everything keeps moving.

Then I go to reach for the sound, & there’s nothing to hear.

That building up of what was & what is.

I only find myself able to grieve when it has built up enough to where I can feel it.

It is an crumbling & lostness.

A forced paradigm.

I work my way to acknowledge
to honour
and to release.

But that doesn’t change the stillness.
That doesn’t change that people don’t ever pause.

That doesn’t change that I’m expected to move along too.

My grieving began before I could even feel it coming.